After writing several poems for others or inspired by others, I often dwelt on the idea of writing one about myself. Why that poem couldn't take a definite form for a long time perhaps owed to the fact that I had not thought about myself or, more appropriately, I didn't know myself sufficiently enough to write a decent poem about myself. I still doubt that I have complete knowledge of myself as a person, but I am well aware of how I behave in college. Having said that, the following poem can be perceived as an honest description of how I see myself getting by in college. This little piece of information becomes even more significant when you come to know that it was in college that I wrote this poem. So I can say that these are natural thoughts because my surroundings, at the time of writing the poem, weren't made up. They were real and I was writing down whatever I felt being in those surroundings. This, I think, played a vital part in devouring the poem of any artificial element.
I seem a human
to unheeding eyes,
who laughs in joy;
in sorrow, cries.
But to a sharp gaze
that penetrates through skin;
through the face, the eyes
into the heart within;
I am revealed to be
a pathetic being,
masquerading among humans
unheard, unseen.
Forever envious
of unachieved desires.
A liar myself
still, hateful of liars.
Forever furious
at trivial aberrations;
always in a state
of personal altercation.
Forever delirious
at things as they are,
for things as desired
seem quite a bit far.
I'm stuck Inside me;
trapped, incarcerated.
Forever in bewilderment;
derelict, dilapidated.
Like so, I will remain
for I'm too tired to fight.
I have lost my wits to tell
the wrong from the right.
Like so, I will remain,
unheard and unseen;
for a sharp gaze will penetrate me
to reveal the pathetic being.
A Pathetic Being
I seem a human
to unheeding eyes,
who laughs in joy;
in sorrow, cries.
But to a sharp gaze
that penetrates through skin;
through the face, the eyes
into the heart within;
I am revealed to be
a pathetic being,
masquerading among humans
unheard, unseen.
Forever envious
of unachieved desires.
A liar myself
still, hateful of liars.
Forever furious
at trivial aberrations;
always in a state
of personal altercation.
Forever delirious
at things as they are,
for things as desired
seem quite a bit far.
I'm stuck Inside me;
trapped, incarcerated.
Forever in bewilderment;
derelict, dilapidated.
Like so, I will remain
for I'm too tired to fight.
I have lost my wits to tell
the wrong from the right.
Like so, I will remain,
unheard and unseen;
for a sharp gaze will penetrate me
to reveal the pathetic being.
-Avnish Bansal
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